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Sunday, August 21, 2005

matchbox 20.
Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebodyís heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go

You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go

No oneís ever turned you over
No oneís tried
To ever let you down,
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart

I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I canít live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Donít pay no attention to me
I got a disease

Feels like youíre making a mess
Youíre hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn

Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life, oh was magic
Beautiful girl
I canít breathe

I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I canít live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Donít pay no attention to me
I got a disease

I think that Iím sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that wonít take long till
Iím free of my disease
Free of my disease

grooved to the music at 10:42 p.m.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

you're beautiful
i know i havent blogged in ages
time has passed really fast
and things have happened too quickly.

the questions that's asked far too frequently doesn't seem so easy to answer anymore.
"hey jan. how's things?"
i hate that sentence.
it seems simple to say: great,
but to find that word,
i have to look back on the things that've happened
the path that i've walked,
and the steps that i've taken.
memories that i've been trying to escape from.
it's like i've run so far,
only to be dragged back to the starting line.

my dreams are blazing with fire,
clouded with smoke,
slowly suffocating me.

on a lighter note,
some days are okay.
some can even be good.
but it feels like there's a splinter in my foot
that i'll never be able to remove.

i loved you, with all that i had.
but you're gone.
and you left me with nothing to hold on to.
please don't let me sink.

grooved to the music at 09:27 p.m.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

is this the end?
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

you and me,
we used to be together,
everyday together,
i really feel
that i'm losing my best friend.
i cant believe this could be the end.

As we die, both you and i,
with my head in my hands i sit and cry.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

grooved to the music at 09:00 p.m.

Monday, June 16, 2003

how it's supposed to be.
I hear the clock it's six am
I feel so far from where I've been
Got my eggs, got my pancakes too
Got my maple syrup, everything but you

Called my momma she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee
But it didn't wanna talk
Picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken
Or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
Saw a movie it just wasn't the same
Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad

Brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when
I leave the light on
I pick a book up,
Turn the sheets down
Take a deep breath
And a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight

Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see

you were meant for me
and i was meant for you.

grooved to the music at 11:08 p.m.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

goodbye dear.
heyy. my com is back to normal again.
great huh.
but i kinda lost touch with this blogging thing.

if you ever read this, i do still love you:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

i guess this should have happened such a long time ago.
you and i,
back to square one.

i wish i could say i hate you.
it would make recovery so much easier.

i dont exactly know how i'm feeling.
full of hate, anger and frustration,
or can i just sum it all up and say PAIN.

this is all so surreal.
kind of like 'finally', i think.
never thought we would be this pathetic.

i don't really know if i can still tell you
'i love you.'
don't know if i can still call you
must i call you by name now?
and refer to you as just a 'friend'?
don't really know where to start.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

there are just too many memories of US i cannot erase.
the first time you held my hand maybe,
the night we sat at the jetty of the little island,
the time it drizzled at the beach,
the letter you wrote to me that christmas,
and the stay overs at sentosa.

now, they will never happen again.
they are just memories,
like how you will be

just another memory.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

grooved to the music at 06:23 p.m.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

janjan says through tocks
two new albums, cny05 and fourdee gathering! go check it out. janjan can't get into her pitas i apologise for her (:

grooved to the music at 11:00 p.m.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I am Cow
I am Cow
Hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's
Made from liquid from my udders
I am cow,
I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass
Methane gas comes out my ass
And out my muzzle when I belch
Oh the ozone layer is thinner
From the outcome of my dinner
I am cow,
I am cow, I've got gas.
I am cow, here I stand
Far and wide upon this land
And I am living everywhere
From B.C. to Newfoundland
You can squeeze my teats by hand
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow,
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow,
Hear me moooooo!

hey jan. put the template back in,
sorry i couldnt fix the other one properly alright!
and i pitaed for you,
seeing how your pitas is collecting cobwebs
and dust bunnies.
not sure if youve heard
the song before but its kinda cute!
and jan is a rocking great chick!!
here's my proclaimation of love
for the rocking great girl

i love you jan!

grooved to the music at 11:10 a.m.

Friday, March 4, 2005



grooved to the music at 10:25 a.m.

Thursday, March 3, 2005

this is me.
yay! you find out something new about yourself everyday!

Do you swoon when a guy recites poetry to you? Go ga-ga over a bouquet of hand-picked wildflowers? Then there's no doubt about it ó you're a textbook Hopeless Romantic. Chances are you love soft music, candlelight, and long walks on the beach at sunset. Crying at sappy movies (your favorite kind) is a given ó a box of tissues is a must ó and you've have had your wedding planned since grade school. You're looking for a deep relationship ó a soulmate. Traditional and sympathetic, guys love that they can open up to you and talk to you about their feelings, their past, and their hopes for the future. How can a suitor win your heart? By romancing you. Sending you flowers, surprising you with a picnic lunch, or going for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Before you know it, you'll be creating a life-long love story.

there you have it! janjan the hopeless romantic. :D

grooved to the music at 07:34 p.m.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

you're still the one
When I first saw you-- I saw love.
The first time you touched me-- I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night.

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

i'm sorry javie.

grooved to the music at 08:41 p.m.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005


b o r i n g.
b o r i n g.
b o r i n g.

it seemed like the family shrinked in size.
the aunties asking endless questions
as if they havent seen you in like 15 years ago.

"Le xi Chin Choo eh kia hah? Wah! TUA HAN LIAO HOR? JIN SAN LEH! le wu Chin Choo eh bin leh!

direct translation: are you Chin Choo's kid? Wah! HOW YOU'VE GROWN! YOU ARE REALLY SKINNY! You have Chin Choo's face!

there you have it.
it can get really irritating.
when like 5 of them ask you over and over again when all you want to do is eat your lunch,
and grab your ang bao.

Nothing in the world comes free.

Ps: CNY photos are HERE.

grooved to the music at 09:15 p.m.

Sunday, February 6, 2005


they all come true,

because of you.

I love you javie.

grooved to the music at 10:11 a.m.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
is life not as simple as you thought it would be or something?

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
where did you get that?

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
that's partly how i'm feeling

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i am feeling the same way

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i am just becoming... so indifferent about everything now

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
everything meaning what?

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
hmm okay maybe too general

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
was there a specific event?

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i guess its the whole routine of life

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
no specific event

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
everything just goes up and then down and then up and then down

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i'm just so sick of it

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i miss being excited about stuff

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i miss.. surprises.

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i wake up... i go to school. i come home.. and thats it.
all over again.

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
and you just look forward to weekends?

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
just end up
like crap

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
jan so you just feel like no energy?

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
i mean in school
i'm hyper and all.
but it all dies
its so meaningless.

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
do you wonder what the hell you're doing with your life?
as in whether you're really living?

jan (: teardrops. jepenga ; says:
yes i do.

Andrew Sebastian Li Xiao' An -- www.argh.diary-x.com -- The mark of greatness is to let what does not matter truly slide says:
so do i


grooved to the music at 08:53 p.m.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

happy again!
to those who are wondering what happened to broken little janjan:
i'm pretty much pieced back together now. (:

my dear YOU:

i bet you dont even come here so it's okay for me to say this.
we were supposed to go out today!
but you went out with your friends!
RARRH. you pigg.
but it's okay.

i forgive you. (:

with love, janjan.

P/S: new photos! click here to see!

grooved to the music at 08:08 p.m.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

YOU shouted at me.
and then you left.

grooved to the music at 08:24 p.m.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

close your eyes

nobody knows
what goes on in this little head of mine
nobody knows
how i really feel.
and no, not even you.

i pretend
that i am happy.
and pretend
that nothing's wrong.
but really, is that what i see
in this fairytale world of me.

my fingers numb
my head grows weak
my heart no longer feels.
i dream of what we'll never be
so perfectly in bliss.

you've showed me how difficult it is to love.
but without sadness, i wouldnt know how being happy feels.
but why does it feel like i'm losing it?
things seem to be different
you used to be different
or am i thinking too much?
we're always arguing over stupid things
but to me this kinda stuff matters.
call me silly
but since young, i thought that
being in love is supposed to be this whole

i understand that there will be ups and downs
but i dont know why i am still stuck to this naive way of thinking.
i'm sorry..
i guess i have to adapt to the way you think
and see things more practically.

i always sink into my insecurities
everytime something goes wrong,
and i'd think that we're dying.
i know it's very unfair to you.
but i hope you understand
that i'm trying.

Love is hating to say goodbye.

grooved to the music at 06:38 p.m.

Monday, January 17, 2005

so confused

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

If I had to life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so early
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love

grooved to the music at 08:48 p.m.

Monday, January 10, 2005

guess who's back
RARRRRRHHH!!! janice roars once again!

as you can see.. i have been away for a long time.
heh. was the whole moving house thing,
settling down was even worse.

and now.. janjan stays in far away land.
far far away in punggol.
it sucks here frankly speaking.
it takes an hour to get anywhere and everywhere.
*screams in agony*

i have settled down in cj...
well sort of la
lucky jared is stuck in my class. HA-HAH!

i end so so so so so late everyday
other classes end at 1 and i end at like 430.
but i pity my classmates who dont take 4 subs,
having to stay around also. bleh!

i think my class has the potential to be fun
we just gotta try harder and involve the quieter ones.

i cant control anymore la.
i have to say this
*covers mouth*
okay i've said too much. whoopsie!

grooved to the music at 07:34 p.m.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

aint letting go.
sometimes i really wish
we were more similar. more alike.
we fight about the dumbest things
and i believe that we're okay..
but then, i know it lies with our characters.

i hate it when we disagree
i hate it that we're different
i hate the fact that you make me cry
and i hate it that SHE hates me too.

why cant things be simpler?
i dont know if i expect too much from you.
or maybe i dont know you well enough.
but there's nothing much i can do, really.
because i really really love you..

just for who you are.

grooved to the music at 01:04 a.m.

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

take off!

this is only the beginning of it all.

grooved to the music at 02:01 a.m.

Monday, November 10, 2003

the brother.

alright the toot complains that he doesnt see pictures of himself on my blog. NAH YOU IDIOT. hahaha. i stole these from your folder!

alright, kor, i dont know what you are thinking.. but i dont wanna know.

'nuff said.

grooved to the music at 02:08 p.m.

Saturday, November 8, 2003

Joey and Chandler are having breakfast...
Joey: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
Chandler: You think that's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.

HAHA. monica-- YEARS ago.
Joey (watching old videos of Monica): Some girl ate Monica!!!
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds 10 pounds.
Chandler: so how many cameras are actually on you?

Then we have Joey and Rachel...
Joey: But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
Rachel: Exactly! Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No! No, Joey! U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that
Rachel: "Ya know I really thought I had hit rock bottom, but today it's like there's rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap then me."

err.. next..who the hell is joanna?
Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.

Bye bye Friends.

grooved to the music at 07:06 p.m.

Saturday, November 8, 2003

say a little prayer

But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him,
and had compassion, and ran,
and fell on his neck and kissed him.
Luke 15:20

Dear God,
Thank You for the compassion you have for me. That even as i only think of coming back to you after some failed plan or thoughtless act, you are already at my side, soothing my sorrow, kissing my cheek and making me whole again, no matter how far i've roamed. Or how long i've been gone.

Only you truly love me for who i am.


grooved to the music at 06:24 p.m.

Monday, November 3, 2003

He's so cute isnt he? His eyes, his hair, his personality. Yeah, but most things end and its better to know how in advance. Here, love warnings from the stars!

The Good: He's a chauvinist, which turns you on because until recently you were dating a guy who drank flavoured coffee.
The Bad: Wait until he starts asking you where his dinner is.
The Ending: Babe, you're the best, but he's got room for a lot more notches on his belt.

The Good: He's smart, shy, a secret pervert.
The Bad: He'll make you miserable if your relationship doesn't go the way he wants.
The Ending: Mixed signals-- he'll leave you, come back, leave you, come back. When you've finally got enough, expect to do all the dirty work.

The Good: He likes to chew the rag even more than your best friend.
The Bad: All this talk never goes anywhere.
The Ending: He's such a flake, he'll probably forget to deliver an "it's over" speech.

The Good: Sensitive, sex-obsessed, the perfect scam.
The Bad: He's completely anal and ridiculously insecure.
The Ending: If you dump him, he'll obsess about you forever. If you dont, expect to be smothered to death.

The Good: He acts like he's already famous.
The Bad: He treats you like just another fan.
The Ending: Imagine trying to get your way with madonna-- a consummate Leo-- but add a penis to the mix.

The Good: He's preppy, self-deprecating and practical.
The Bad: Therapy five times a week would only scratch the surface.
The Ending: He's defensive, so he goes on the offensive. Be prepared for a tongue lashing [and no, not the good kind].

The Good: Isn't he adorable? Thoughtful, Kind, soft-spoken...
The Bad:... which is only a ruse to hide how insanely jugemental he is.
The Ending: A dissertation on exactly what you've dont wrong, what you've both done wrong, that will make you want to kill yourself.

The Good: He's charismatic and holds back enough to keep you interested.
The Bad: Hello, psycho! Scorpio's temper is from hell!
The Ending: Encourage him to express his anger via email, then cancel your hotmail account, change your phone number and move far, far away.

The Good: All the other girls want him, but he chooses you.
The Bad: That's what you think-- he cheats.
The Ending: Don't expect him to go through a mourning period-- he'll have someone else lined up way before the door hits you in the rear.

The Good: He's a suit-and-tie guy-- self-possessed, intelligent, goal oriented.
The Bad: He thinks doggie style is risque and is looking for a throphy wife.
The Ending: Unless you live up to his expectations, you'll get the old heave-ho in a public place or via fax.

The Good: Supercool hippie vibe where you love the one you're with.
The Bad: He's a hypocrite who has big ideas about how people should behave that he doesn't apply to himself.
The Ending: If you don't have a lot in common, run for your life.

The Good: Sweet, dreamy, full of compliments.
The Bad: Basically asks every girl he goes out with, "Are you my mommy?"
The Ending: You'll never hace your heart eaten out by anyone nicer. Expect the best of table manners.

grooved to the music at 02:21 p.m.

Friday, October 31, 2003

If God was a grapefruit.

grooved to the music at 11:41 a.m.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Dear diary,
today.. i cried.
why does god make people cry?
love, jan.

grooved to the music at 05:28 p.m.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

but the sun rolling high
through the sapphire sky
keeps great and small on the endless round

tocks loves jan!!

proudly pitaed by tocks (:

grooved to the music at 12:46 p.m.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

with faith.

for you are my refuge and strength.
i could serch for all eternity long,
and find,
there is none like you.

grooved to the music at 06:54 p.m.

Friday, August 8, 2003


this is tockie's tummy! i drew that! jepenga rockks our world! yippeee!
xoxo with love, jan.

grooved to the music at 09:56 p.m.

flying _

scribbles grad '04
sherm's sentosa CNY05

come away with me..